The Old Tattered Flag

Friday, October 14, 2016

I miss cake.....the struggle is real!


I've been trying to eat better because those 70 lbs I lost a few years ago, well, I found them, not all of them, but a lot of them.  I know I didn't find them all because of the size clothing I'm wearing, but my favorite clothes are hanging in a deep dark part of my closet, hoping to come out again some day.  I'm sure this is familiar with some of you.  How many sizes do you currently have hanging in your closet?  I have 5 different sizes.  
I know I'm not going to get down to my weight loss weight again and I also know what my "happy weight" is.  My happy weight is not what a doctor would consider healthy, but then again BMI charts, in my humble opinion, are a total bunch of BS.  And I also know that my happy weight  is healthy....for me.  Even at my current weight I am healthy, all blood tests are good, I'm on no medications, but lately I've just been feeling ucky!  I'm not dieting though, I'm watching my carbs....or doing the Paleo diet.  It's really not that hard because I am a volume eater and by volume I mean, holy hell, that is one big bowl of salad.  I've decided to be mindful of what goes into my mouth.  And....I've been on every diet there is...weight watchers (which was succesful, but for me requires too much thinking and monitoring), atkins, master cleanse, slimfast, fen fen(yes, no judgement, it was only for a short time), Paleo, the 17 day diet, the cabbage soup diet, you name it.  I could educate a nutritionist....seriously.  I know that in order to  lose it's about moderation in the case of weight watchers, or if you are doing the 17 day diet or Paleo, it's all about not eating processed foods.  And, I've arrived to this current attempt because I a just am disgusted with food.  The first thing you see when you walk into any grocery store is a mountain of baked goods to tantalize you.  And think about it, when you are checking out there is a fully stocked arsenal of candy in case you need that little pick me up on the way home.  And, if you can manage to avoid those goodies if you just wander the aisles of grocery stores you are met with all kinds of convenience "quick dinner mixes".  I know for me all of this processed packaging is reeking havoc.  I have been off sugar for 4 days now (though as I sit here I must say, it's feels like 20 days) and honestly, I feel better!!  The bloat is gone, the aches are still there but somewhat lessened. 

 Here's the dilemma:
You see that delicious picture above....yup, that's the cake Mom made yesterday for our open hooking.  She asked me and I told her "yes, make it" thinking "why should everyone else have to suffer?"  I literally have had the devil on one shoulder and the angel on the other shoulder conversations with myself for the last 24 hours.  I fought the temptation last night and even have today (that piece missing is MOM!!) but the conversations I have with myself are amazing.  
"I'm 49 years old, if I want cake I'll have cake"
"I'm never going to wear a bikini again anyway"
"My husband tells me he loves me at every size I've been (hey, careful buddy)"
"It's Friday"
"I'm on my feet all day"
"Just a sliver"

The struggle is real.  Food is my drug....it's my one vice, honestly.  And by following this blog, you have to listen to me rant as I have come to my computer to type instead of having that sliver.  There's a good chance this "no sugar" think isn't going to last with me, I can feel it waning as I type" but man, I feel so much better!! 
So, for now I will forego that little sliver and imagine the big piece of lean steak I can have (with a side of broccoli).
Thanks for listening....

Until next time....

28 comments:

  1. I feel your pain! I did WW and it really does work, but now that I work from home (15 miles from town, and the WW meetings) I'm just too lazy to go in to the meetings - at least that is my excuse. But my 40 pounds has come back, and I'm totally disgusted! Trying to do better, but it sure isn't easy.

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    1. All we can do is take it day by day......or hour by hour!!?

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  2. Oh great. I just sat down with a cookie and a cup of coffee to read your post. When God was creating the earth and everything in it .... why sugar God? ... ugh!

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    1. Lol, I know, why is everything that is bad for you so good?

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  3. I, too, feel your pain. I just REjoined WW 3 days ago ...for the nth time...not sure anymore! Food is my vice and comfort...I'm trying to get to a weight to fit into some clothes in my closet...not a size 8 by any stretch! We can do this....it's just so daggone hard!

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    1. It is hard because I equate food with home and comfort. It was always fun to make cookies with the kids or have cookies for them when they got home from school, and holidays, just forget it! But food is part of what makes the holidays special. Oh, and don't forget precious family time around the dinner table.

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  4. sugar is my drug too! LOL! I eat plant based. ITs a struggle but my stomach doesnt hurt eating plant based and it does eating paleo.

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    1. So far so good with any stomach issues, but the weekend is here.....I'll use any excuse!

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  5. Oh I feel and live your pain. I want to lose the 45# I gained or at least 25 of them but I am too weak. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.

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    1. Day by Day right Jacqueline? That's how I'm getting through, and it's hard not to beat ourselves up about a slip up.

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  6. Omg,,honey I've been on that train,,up,,down,,,
    I'm on weight watchers,,,it's been hard,,,very hard,,I've lost 22lbs,,yeah,,but it's taken me 8 months,,,
    I walk with a cane,,and have had 4hip replacements,,,but ya know what,,I'm alive,yes i know,your a good person,I've been on your site for a while,,,and you have it in you,,,think positive,,,you can do it girl,,,,

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    1. It is very hard because I've always been an active person, I mean yes there have been times where I haven't exercised, but for the most part I try to keep moving. But lately I haven't been able to be consistent as I'm having back pain so I'm trying to find the right exercise. It truly is a struggle! Thanks Sue!

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  7. As I am sure many others do, I can relate. For me, I realized that when I had wheat, I had bloating, heartburn and joint pain(just to name a few symptoms). I've had no medical testing done because I'm relatively in tune with myself to know that I shouldn't do it if it hurts. The freedom from those symptoms has made it easy to stay away (although I had to test my theory several times to learn the lesson was real). Amazingly, the hardest thing to stay away from is potato chips. No physical pain makes them so much more enjoyable. The struggle truly is real and I talk about this often with my personal trainer. Her opinion is to not eliminate anything but certainly pay attention to when and why we should be eating them. For me, that means that if I am having a sandwich(on icky wheat free bread), then chips are a justifiable side but standing at the cupboard with the bag in my hand because I "need" chips is not. I sometimes fail completely and I also occasionally text her and tell her I REALLY want chips. Knowing that she will ask me later if I gave in has always worked in keeping me chip free. :) For me, it's not about weight loss, however, I'd love to comfortably zip my size 10 jeans, it's about being in control and not allowing those over processed foods to do negative things to my body. Sounds like you are thinking the same. You can do it but it's one day at a time and don't punish yourself when a day doesn't go as planned.

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    1. Hmmm, you've got me wondering if this has anything to do with wheat. The joint pain I've experienced over the past couple years, worse this past year is enough to make me realize that I have to change what I'm doing or it's not going to go away and I'm way too young to be feeling this poorly. And chips.....yes, my downfall too. Add dip to that and I'm a gone. You are right about not punishing yourself too, but that's a hard one for me and I'm not the kind of person who can cheat one day and get back to it the next day. If I cheat it's pretty much all over. It is a struggle.

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    2. I went to a doctor several months ago for joint pain. He told me to go vegan, i thought 'what?' But i had nothing to lose. Im 56, need to lose a few and had bad pain in my hip and swollen feet, hands and just achy all over.
      I did the diet and wouldnt you know that 90% of the pain and stiffness went away! Oh and i lost a bunch of weight. Pain sucks, the diet wasnt too bad!

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    3. Hmm, sounds tempting but I'm a meat eater! I could never give that up!

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  8. Julie have you ever read the Wheat Belly books? Going grain free has been a life saver for me. I have Hashimoto's ( Severe Hypothyroidism) and the pain was becoming unbearable. Prescription meds were taking their toll on me also. Decided a year ago to take my life back.. and I have to say... what a difference it made! Hang in there! Keep us posted as to how you are doing! Cathy G

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  9. Good luck to you! It's a struggle to take it off and a bigger struggle to keep it off.
    Since retiring last month, I bought a FitBit to motivate me. Also have cut back on the diet Coke. Down from about 8 cans a day to one, sometimes two. I've been drinking it for decades. Good thing I inherited my mom's iron stomach!!! I'm hoping for a LONG retirement.
    Hugs :)
    Lauren

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    1. Well happy retirement Lauren!! My mother also drinks several diet sodas a day, she has her entire life. I have a Fitbit, but haven't worn it since I stopped walking because it was hurting my back.

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  10. I too, struggle with my weight, aches and pains. I discovered when I eat simple carbs like sugar, flour, pasta....anything processed, my back and legs practically cripple me with pain. Like you, I love my sweets. I now eat lots of lean meats, cheeses, seafood, and lots of fruits and veggies. Pinterest has tons of really good complex carb recipes. I make baked apples with butter, cinnomon and splenda. Google impossible pies or go to pinterest for great sugar free, low carb pies that are delicious! The pumpkin pie is to die for! So is the custard and coconut custard pies! They are sooooo easy to make and while it doesn't have a crust, it does call for 1/2 cup bisquick that forms it's own crust as it bakes, but I Fiqure if you cut the pie into 6 pieces, it isn't very much flour to make a difference in your carb intake. I also eat 2 squares of the dark chocolate from Aldis after dinner.....carb count is low and the chocolate is good for your heart! I truly do feel much better by omitting the bad carbs.....my pain is nearly gone.

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    1. Thanks Patti! I'll have to look for those recipes and I do love dark chocolate!

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  11. My down fall is soda since having the 4th and 5th child I have struggled with my weight and have become diabetic, so I'm always watching my sugar. Though I don't bake like I used to when I see cake its game on! Lol

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  12. I've had been skinny all of my life until I hit menopause. Now it seems I can't even touch food without gaining weight. Since I don't do heavy outdoor work like I used to (don't live on a farm anymore) walking and working in the yard is what keeps me active and away from snacking. I've been a vegetarian for years but love sweets. It's no fun doing without. Feeling good and being active are worth it but dang that cake looked good!

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  13. Right there with ya Girl! Everyday is a struggle! ��

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  14. Yes, after 40 your body has a mind of it's own and keeping a lower weight can be challenging to say the least. More important is getting enough physical exercise. If you can get on a treadmill(dreadmill) for 35 minutes 3 times per week or keep track of your steps per day you can have your cake & eat it too. Remember also that stress(should I eat it? YES! NO!) will hurt you just as much or more than the piece of cake. Enjoy it!

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  15. Sugar in its refined state is amazing at being an addictive force. Take 21 days truly - you can! - no sugar at all. Watch what happens when you eat it. Amazing. Awful amazing. One day per month I allow myself to have whatever I want. Just get rid of the cravings. I find it interesting how even the taste of something is no longer attractive. When the sugar hits (still 8 months later) I have those single dark chocolate plain dove pieces. Just one. That's all. Easy now. 8 solid months later!!! Paleo works. I am a full 70 lbs lighter. Not losing anymore but no gain and feeling incredible. Stitch to your guns. And we will all listen to you "share"!!!

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  16. It's so darn hard,WW works but it is work to do the plan. Keep telling yourself your worth it. I once heard "nothing tastes as good as thin feels" (or as I say thinner ). Good luck on your weight quest.

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About Me

Thank you very much for taking the time to read my blog. I am married and just entering the second phase of my life as a Army retiree's wife. My husband and I did 25+ years in the Army. He is now officially a retired Colonel and has just entered the civilian workforce and I am happily settled in our 1830 Stone house. I (along with my Mom) operate www.theoldtatteredflag and currently we are building a small shop in the back part of the house. We live in Northern NY, right near the Canadian border. I have two handsome sons and 2 puggles. Life is busy for us, but I wouldn't have it any other way.